How do I say, "I don't want to join your lab"?

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Hi there! Every week, the Career Development Team for Researchers at the Office of Career and Professional Development answers an anonymized career development question from the UCSF community. You can also visit the archive of all of our past columns. To submit your own question, email it to [email protected] with the subject line 'ASKOCPD.'

A first-year PhD student asks—

I'm finishing my last lab rotation and have decided which lab I want to join. How do I tell the other PIs I rotated with that I won’t be joining their labs? I don’t want to burn any bridges.

It's great that you’ve found a lab that you want to join! The order of operations does matter a little bit here—first, get confirmation that there’s still a spot for you in the lab you do want to join, even if you’ve had conversations about it in the past. After that, you can tackle notifying the others of your decision.

If you would prefer to talk to the PIs whose lab you’re not going to join in person, you certainly can, but notifying them by email is perfectly acceptable—if not the standard. In either your conversation or your email, I would recommend including the following at some point in your message:

  1. Thanking them for their time, acknowledging both the rotation itself as well as any meetings you have had with them while trying to decide on your thesis lab.
  2. Letting them know that after careful consideration, you have decided to join Dr. XYZ’s lab.
  3. If you do want to maintain a professional relationship with them, you can say explicitly that you hope to continue working or collaborating with them or that you’d love to potentially have them serve as advisors on your quals or thesis committee. If you don’t foresee a continued professional relationship with them, you can just wish them well and express that you’re excited to be their colleague at UCSF.

Delivering rejection can feel daunting, and like you are letting someone down. But I think it’s important to remember that PIs are used to being told ‘no’ by rotation students—by design, more students rotate than join labs. As long as you are respectful, professional, and express gratitude for the time they gave you, I don’t think there will be any bridges burned.

-Kyla Foster, Career and Professional Development Leadership Intern